15 minutes

Andy Warhol said everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes. I look back at what it took to become famous back in the day...hmmm a funny thing called intelligence and some talent didn't hurt either. Yes the Brat Pack seemed to be known more for their partying ways than their movies but maybe they were on to something as they are still around..some in rehab.

These days if you have no talent but were born to wealth you are almost instantly famous. All you have to do is make a sex tape and have it "accidentally" leaked onto the Internet. Sex tape not for you? You could always go the route of buying several packs of Altoids and saving a semen covered dress which you "forgot" to have cleaned. Too yuck for you? How about having ten plastic surgeries in one day and having half your brain removed at the same time?

I guess I have let my life slide. I grew up and was a good kid, for the most part. Went to school, got good grades. Went to university, got a job. Went back to school, got a job...a husband...a cat and a dog. I guess nothing fame worthy...except maybe that I am still married.

Working in the marketing world I realize that sex sells. The more of a teaser you can entice people with the more popular the item becomes. Who knew this translated to woman as well. I wonder if I did it wrong? Maybe I should have grown up, said screw it to education and gone to Hollywood. Work in some bar in said Hollywood, gotten a boob job and slept with someone famous....hey then I too would be famous once their sex scandal broke....which it eventually would after I leaked it to TMZ. Then I'd play dumb because I "didn't know he was still married", save every text message he ever sent me (this may be my biggest challenge) ...get a large settlement and retire. Fool proof! OR I could pimp my husband out to the wife of said husband and get maybe an hour of fame and double the payout. What were my parents thinking when they raised me with morals...sheesh!

But for those of you without any morals and looking for a way to get your 15 mins here are some ideas which have worked for others:
1. Sleep with someone a 100 other woman have. Remember STD's are only a small price to pay on your way to stardom
2. Have a lot of plastic surgery and become plastic looking.
3. Have more than 14 kids; as others are way ahead of you...oh and throw some religious beliefs in there as it makes you look more credible
4. Eat to become 1000lbs, whether you live that long is another story...but at least you have a goal.
5. Tell people that you can hear dead people

or you could go in another direction
1. Help the blind to see
2. Win a Nobel piece prize
3. Spend your life aiding others
4. Invent something
5. Write an epic novel

Ok now I know why people don't go the second route...it's too hard! Oh well I guess it is time to tart it up to make our 15mins...but then again there was that time when I was 5 ad it was school bus safety week........

Sick is for Sissys

Every year I take my vitamins, eat lots of fruit and veggies and get lots of sleep. But somehow the cold fairy always seems to find me. Whether it is a case of the sniffles or feeling like I just got hit with a baseball bat I have a hard time admitting I am sick.

I don't know what it is about being sick that irritates me in to trying to avoid the obvious. Even as my sinus clog up (the polite version of what really happens) and my brain gets foggy I still hold firm that it is just my allergies.

After a week of blowing my nose to the point of taking off layers of skin..even after using three-ply with lotion...going to bed at 6o'clock with an unusual "cold cocktail" and taking every ounce of energy to crawl out the next morning.then and only then..I acknowledge that I have been beaten and let the cold take its course. On the flip side, I now only have to go through the congested lungs and final clear out stage before it is over.

I think it is my "I will win" attitude that stops me from admitting my weakness. You know you look bad when even your boss tells you "you look like shit" and that it is time to go home, curl up with my hot water bottle and watch crummy daytime TV. But as I lay there resting I think of the laundry, dishes and vacuuming and think to myself I must really be sick to be thinking of undone household chores. I really think it is the underlying guilt that as I lay there watching some daytime talk show the dust bunnies are taking over and if I get up and run a vacuum I will feel better. I KNOW! You should have seen the sad look of me as I took the dog for a walk. I think even the dog tried to keep his distance....."I know she is holding the leash...but honest..she is not with me"

I think the next time I get sick, as I am sure there will be a next time, I will move into a hotel. This way I can order soup, blow my nose and someone else will clean up after me. This way there is nothing for me to look at or think about. For now..sigh..I will get up and go do something productive and wait for that final nose blow when I can breathe again and my ears do not always feel like they need to be popped. Ahh the small things.