Does age matter

At what age are you able to say "Screw off" and everyone thinks you are being funny?

When you are in your preteens your mouth would get washed out with soap. Trust me as I tasted sunlight soap thanks to my brothers...and I still cannot buy this brand

When you are in your teenage years people just think you are being unruly and tell everyone to Screw off. Which is probably true as at this point you feel everyone is out to get you and no one understands the angst you are going through. After all you went out with him for three whole days.

In your twenties you get scolded as you are being disrespectful to your elders and you should be grown up by now. Mind you I think a lot of people should learn the word respect and they are not just in their twenties.

Now in my thirties I say things a little harsher than Screw off as it doesn't have the same authority that other words command. I is hard to tell a vaccuum to screw off when it has obviously run into your toe

I am looking at my forties and fifties and think I may be getting closer. But this point Screw off can mean...you stepped in my line of sight while I am having a hot flash. And while throwing that cup at your head may not be acceptable, felt really good.

But I really think it is in your eighties when this becomes ok. Mind you at this point the universe comes together and figures if you have made it this long you should get to swear random outburst, shove your shopping cart into someones heels "accidentally", fart and blame it on..well anyone really...you could whallop someone with your purse just for the heck of it ...and best of all... cake and cookies will not be off limits as by this time everything else has headed south, so by adding a bit of a belly you give yourself an equator.

Harbouring a Fugitive

At this time every year I skulk through our house at all hours of the day trying to avoid the dreaded ring of the doorbell. It seems like just after the kids go back to school the teachers send them out to collect money for something or other and they all seem to come to my front door. But why is it that I get the aerating the lawn, raffle tickets, wrapping paper and cookie dough ones. Why doesn't a girl guide who wants to sell me chocolate mint cookies ever ring my doorbell...hmmm might have something to do with my "when you ring the doorbell my D.O.G. goes ballistic".

This spring I actually had our first Girl Guide come to our door. I actually bought the funky paper-cardboard tasting -store bought vanilla and chocolate cookies in hopes of her return in the fall, but sad she did not return. Might have been the dog, might have been the natural, chicken poop fertilizer all over our lawn.

Some days I wish we had several levels to our house or that I liked to sit in the basement...but no. I sit in the front living room, so when all of the panders come to my front door they look in at me first so I have to go. On the rare occasion I am somewhere else in the house or have seen them go up the other side of the street so I am hiding away. Peeking out windows and tip toeing around...my own house! I feel like I am a fugitive or something so hideous that will scare the population should I answer the door. Now I know why my parents bought all of my chocolate bars and just gave me the money...to keep our 6 whole neighbours out of hiding. Plus selling chocolate bars on the highway might be considered a form of child abuse. I like to call it love....of thy neighbour.

But let's face it I would rather have a child ask me to buy a bruised apple than a Jehovah Witness give me their flyer for free.