1. I think if you are old enough to buy alcohol, you are too old to wear pajamas outside to do it.2. A good friend will not only laugh at your faults but will also find ways to showcase your talents.
3. Why do vacuum cleaners come with a light on the beater bar?
4. Why did it always seem like a good idea at the time?
5. Why do airlines fly you west first when you are going east?
6. I always seem to meet people I know when I am looking my worst but see no one when I am ready for them.
7. Why do I always remember my keys are in the car after the door has just shut.
8. I think the TV should have a "clap off" option for when you are in bed and cannot locate the remote
9. Never trust the brownie behind the display case, it looks better than it tastes.
10. I think I should start a non-book club-book club. I would rather someone hand me a book saying "this was good..read it".
11. Why does take out sound like a better idea before you eat it
12. I don't think the smell is the egg you just ate
13. Karma is real
14. How can I go grocery shopping and still have nothing to eat
15. I really don't think my pants shrunk in the wash, but I would like to believe it
16. I would rather sweat from laying in the sun than from exercising
17. I think the DMV uses the photoshop warp tool before printing your license.
18. I never trust a critic's movie rating as I like being able to understand the movie
19. Turkey dinner taste better when mom makes it
20. I think 50 being the new 40 and 40 being the new 30 hasn't felt my joints at 6:30am
