But I want to

There have been many days when I have bit my tongue instead of saying what I really want to. There have also been many days where I have not gotten my own way. I may look gracious and smile sweetly but inside I am having a mental hissy fit to the max. While this may not always be the case, I do miss the days of having a full on temper tantrum.

Yes...I admit it, I want to stomp my feet, scream at the top of my lungs and have my head spin around. Being a grown up and having to learn to control my emotions at times...sucks. Now I must admit that when I see parents who are having to deal with their children in a full on tantrum I smile affectionately and sympathize with them but inside I am thinking...ok kid...milk it while you can. If you pull that shit when you get older you are going to wish that a small spank was all that you would get...instead of looking like a full on crazy person and then the police start showing up.

Sigh....I don't think I had many tantrums that I can remember. I do remember slamming a lot of doors, growling under my breath and a lot of stomping..but later learnt that my mother could see what was coming and knew that peace was only moments away after my stomping began. Meanwhile I sat and stewed and could not believe that I didn't get my own way. I have now become older, and hopefully wiser and found ways to get my own way without the full on hissy...but one of these day I am going to go out to a field in the middle of nowhere and scream for all I am worth.....call it memories of things I never did.

I think I am a social experiment

Did you ever wake up and wonder why you got out of bed?

Some days I think I have cameras watching me just to see what I will do next. While people are at home watching, and thinking... this reality TV must be scripted. Nope, that's just me. I would like to say that the hair dye hasn't affected my thinking, my clumsiness is from lack of sleep or my perpetual apt for embarrassing myself is not a habit I am accustomed to ...but sigh..then I would be lying.

I have never been graceful, at any point, in my life. I have run into door jambs, the vacuum cleaner, tables, desks etc more times than I care to mention. I even have the bruises and lost toenails to prove it.

I have given up on my face blushing from any form of embarrassment and instead laugh it off. At least my neighbours enjoy the show. Now that I have you wondering...I will tell a little story called Exhibit A.

A couple of weeks ago my husband and I went out for dinner. I picked him up on my way home from work and off we went. After dinner we did some errands which involved a couple of stops, a trip to the hardware store and arms loaded. We got the stuff out of the car, I hit the automatic locks, we closed the doors and off we went into the house.

The next morning my husband goes off to work. I follow my sloth like routine and decided to head into work early as I had a couple of meetings to get ready for. I lock the front door and hit the automatic lock opener to the car and...hear nothing. I click the opener again and...nothing. This is strange. I then go back to the archaic days and open the car with the key and when I do all of the interior lights start to flash on and off...and I think...well that's odd. I put my key in the ignition, turn it and...nothing. SHIT!

So I think of possible solutions:
1. Call my husband and rant
2. Call roadside assistance
3. Call the dealership.

I go for option 3..no matter how tempting option one was. They log the scenario and tell me to call roadside, which I do. Then I wait..so much for going to work early...and wait...so then I call my husband to rant. While I do; roadside shows up. I grab my jacket and keys, lock the door and out I go. yes! The guy takes all of 3 seconds and my car is running. He says to let it run for 20 minutes. I say thank you, off he goes, I jump back in my car and look to my right...oh ohh..my purse and cell phone are in the house...which is locked. My house keys are in the ignition.

Now here is where I needed to make a choice. Behind door number one: go to work and forget the purse, I have a running car. Door number two: take out the keys with the house on them very quickly and replace it with my secondary key which is in my pocket from before.

Since I had a couple of meetings and needed my cell phone, I choose door number 2. The wrong door. Just for anyone wondering...you DO need to let your car run for 20 mins. Now what...CAA is already down the street. SO I go back in and call my husband to see if he can boost me...of which his response was...wasn't CAA just there..shut up!...come boost me. Luckily he was close by and this time I let the car run!

Now this would seem like any ordinary story except that in the past month I have done something similar twice more. Soon people are going to get tired of the repeats and change the channel. Maybe someday I will tell you about Tim Horton's.

If truth be told...

1. I think if you are old enough to buy alcohol, you are too old to wear pajamas outside to do it.

2. A good friend will not only laugh at your faults but will also find ways to showcase your talents.

3. Why do vacuum cleaners come with a light on the beater bar?

4. Why did it always seem like a good idea at the time?

5. Why do airlines fly you west first when you are going east?

6. I always seem to meet people I know when I am looking my worst but see no one when I am ready for them.

7. Why do I always remember my keys are in the car after the door has just shut.

8. I think the TV should have a "clap off" option for when you are in bed and cannot locate the remote

9. Never trust the brownie behind the display case, it looks better than it tastes.

10. I think I should start a non-book club-book club. I would rather someone hand me a book saying "this was good..read it".

11. Why does take out sound like a better idea before you eat it

12. I don't think the smell is the egg you just ate

13. Karma is real

14. How can I go grocery shopping and still have nothing to eat

15. I really don't think my pants shrunk in the wash, but I would like to believe it

16. I would rather sweat from laying in the sun than from exercising

17. I think the DMV uses the photoshop warp tool before printing your license.

18. I never trust a critic's movie rating as I like being able to understand the movie

19. Turkey dinner taste better when mom makes it

20. I think 50 being the new 40 and 40 being the new 30 hasn't felt my joints at 6:30am

What's in your cart?

OK, I admit it. When standing in the grocery lineup I look at what people have in their carts. It is some weird thing I do where I look at the ingredients and try to picture what they are going to make. unless it is a cart full of chips and pop and then i think drinking fest until I look up and see they are in their 80's and figure they are probably shoving their grandchildren full of "not alloweds" before giving them back to their parents. Karma can be a bitch.

I am just as guilty with my own cart. I look at the food placed haphazardly in the cart, and feel like others are watching and reorganize my cart...I know I need help. I also like to go up an down each aisle, unless my husband is with me..then we just need to pick up the exact items on my list and get the hell out. As I scour the aisles for new products and options from what I always seem to buy, I am on the look out for new packaging and branding.

I love to go into the one-off stores as well, as they always seem to have a weird organization of products. Like toothpaste and toilet paper go naturally beside each other but the paper towel is three aisles over. Then there is our lovely farmers market on Saturday where you get up early and race for a parking space that is less than 1km away. Have I mentioned that my husband would rather go shopping in a mall than to the market? Again, I know where each vendor is but feel gypped unless I go up and down each isle, I think I must have been a lab rat in another life.

So this morning after going for massages I casually mentioned that we should go to the market...coffee bribery is always good. I was sadly disappointed though as the crowd was almost non existent and half of the items were gone. On the flip side B. thought it was the best time to go...MEN!

So the next time you go to the market look at the odd array of items in your cart, peek around and throw something crazy in...just to make people wonder. Some days I have no life.

Live it up

Why does it seem that every where I turn lately, someone is either writing or talking about their life list or bucket list? Have making New Year's resolutions gone by the way side as they are too constricting to be done within the year; and therefore we have moved to bucket lists and things to get done by the end of our lives.

There are so many things which I would like to do but I seem to be more of a whim kind of girl, than the big dream type. They say you should have 100 items on the list, but my bucket list is simple:

1. Get B. to finish his "leftover" jobs around the house. This may take me until the end of my life to convince him to do
2. Get me to finish my leftover jobs around the house. ditto comment to above
3. Go to Greece
4. Be financially free...give me 10 more years on this one

I am sure over the years this list will grow and change but for now I am good with the four. After all I don't want to put too much stress in my life.

If I could turn back time

We have ventured into the realm of day light savings time. What does this mean for me? It means not only do I get up in the dark, I come home from work in the dark. Yeah me!
I realize that it was originally created to save on electricity but how is that again? If I get up in the dark, I immediately switch on the lights, as running into furniture is not one of favorite things to do. . So how am I saving energy?

Plus it makes crazy drivers come out. Almost guaranteed that ever night since the time change there has been an accident on my drive home. The torrential down pours might have played a part as well, but still. I think people forget how to drive in the dark.
Step 1. Turn your lights on
Step 2. Drive
I realize it is two simple steps but you would be surprised by how many people forget step 1.

On top of the darkness and crazy drivers now we have added to the pile the worst of them all...cranky people. People who do not get enough sun have something called S.A.D. disease (seasonal affect disorder). I think it is just a nicer way of saying "I hate winter" or "where the fu%^ did the sun go". I think everyone in the city in which I live has suddenly developed SAD. People are more cranky in general with the lack of sunlight and with Christmas shopping already in full swing this isn't helping.

There was once talk about eliminating daylight sayings time as there is not much use for it anymore and I for one support this plan. Sure I get to sleep in an extra hour on the Sunday afterward -which I don't as the internal animal clocks didn't change- but I would trade this to be able to walk my dog at night without a flashlight.

Does age matter

At what age are you able to say "Screw off" and everyone thinks you are being funny?

When you are in your preteens your mouth would get washed out with soap. Trust me as I tasted sunlight soap thanks to my brothers...and I still cannot buy this brand

When you are in your teenage years people just think you are being unruly and tell everyone to Screw off. Which is probably true as at this point you feel everyone is out to get you and no one understands the angst you are going through. After all you went out with him for three whole days.

In your twenties you get scolded as you are being disrespectful to your elders and you should be grown up by now. Mind you I think a lot of people should learn the word respect and they are not just in their twenties.

Now in my thirties I say things a little harsher than Screw off as it doesn't have the same authority that other words command. I is hard to tell a vaccuum to screw off when it has obviously run into your toe

I am looking at my forties and fifties and think I may be getting closer. But this point Screw off can mean...you stepped in my line of sight while I am having a hot flash. And while throwing that cup at your head may not be acceptable, felt really good.

But I really think it is in your eighties when this becomes ok. Mind you at this point the universe comes together and figures if you have made it this long you should get to swear random outburst, shove your shopping cart into someones heels "accidentally", fart and blame it on..well anyone really...you could whallop someone with your purse just for the heck of it ...and best of all... cake and cookies will not be off limits as by this time everything else has headed south, so by adding a bit of a belly you give yourself an equator.