Coffee Complications

Last night I went into Starbucks to buy a coffee and as I stared at the menu board I wondered to myself...when did coffee get so complicated. They have 3 sizes and not called your regular small, medium and large...no they have gone to Tall, Grande and Vente. Plus there are flavour shots and toppings and let's not even go into milk options. So I decided to look further into the origins of coffee and discovered some man in Ethiopia discovered his goats were a little perkier than normal when they ate these brown beans...so he tried them...being the good goat Herder he is..and discovered he had the same perkiness....back in the ninth century! So I am sure he told two friends...who told two friends...and so on (Thank you Alberto V05).

The first coffee shop opened in the 1500's and is wasn't until coffee made it to England that the bastardization began. (History lesson completed). Now don't get me wrong I am as guilty of my complicated coffee order as the next person, but if I am paying $4 for a coffee I want it with my half fat, no foam, vente caramel macchiato. My orders over the years have constantly changed to the point where my husband will no longer place my order, but instead shoves me up to place my order before acknowledging that he to is with me (cappuccino with brown sugar and chocolate sprinkles man).

Coffee orders have gotten so complicated that there are actually rules on how to order: Decaf, Shots, Syrup, Milk, Custom, and Drink. So I would like my decaf, mint, caramel, half fat, extra foam iced coffee.

Then there is the other popular brand which has made a medium double double an order sonomous with coffee...too bad I do not like there coffee. Yes there are many differences between coffee places and being the coffee snob I appear to be, there is nothing like a fresh French-Pressed hazelnut vanilla coffee.

Imagine it..You wake up in the morning to the smell of the coffee brewing (only because my husband has crawled out of bed first and started the machine). You feel enough energy to stumble your way out to the kitchen to ensure your senses have not deceived you (after you avoid a dog very happy you are up and a pissed off cat over the fact the dog is happy you are up). You stare at the coffee maker hoping that it will not fail and give you the jolt of caffeine you could only better receive had it been inserted intravenously. After the first sip you grab hold of the cup with both hands and deeply inhale the aroma wafting through the air and realize this was worth crawling out of your warm bed and that all is ok in the world. (Necafe commercial not included.)

So the next time you go to order your cup of coffee think about that lonely goat Herder and his coffee beans and think do I actually like the taste of coffee or do I prefer my grande extra hot soy with extra foam, split shot with a half squirt of sugar-free vanilla and a half squirt of sugar-free cinnamon, a half packet of splenda, oh and put that in a venti cup and fill up the "room" with extra whipped cream with caramel and chocolate sauce drizzled on top.