It's all about the poop

It never fails that whenever my family sits down to a meal the topic of fecal matter always pops up. The conversation can be going along in a completely different route and then all of a sudden poop comes into the picture.

It is not always at dinner either. When we first got our dog I knew I would have to pick up the poop. I have never had the best of stomachs for picking it up, but I figured I could venture. I actually built a whole system down to how I do it. I usually get lots of forewarning with the dog pooping as he suddenly does the John Wayne walk and then drops his bum...stares intently at you and the deed is done. In order for me to deal with this and not gag...not to say I haven't..here is my scenario.

-When your dog is beginning the John Wayne walk. Stop. Make sure you are not in the downwind direction
-When he stares directly into your eyes, turn the other way and get the bag ready
-Inspect the bag once it is over your hand, still turned away, to ensure there are no hole or tears. This ensures no vomiting on my part either
-Hold breathe and quickly look to see if the deed is done. Turn head back the opposite way and let out your breathe
-Hold your breathe once again, turn around..pick up the poop, flip over the bag, beginning walking away, knot the bag, take two more steps and breathe out


The last step take only a minute but it is the most important step to limit the gag reflex.

Not only do dinner and walking consume the poop conversation but so does general conversation. I recently had to take Tylenol 3s and two members of my family began talking about my possible constipation...which I wasn't...Everyday the big conversation was...did I poop...I thought they were going to cheer when I did...I KNOW...we need a life but then again...Shit happens!